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Published by pam on Sun, 04/14/2013 - 4:32pm

I should post a picture because I'm sure people are curious, but I'm chicken.  Yes, I do have hair.  It is a little curly and completely grey.  There are a few colored strands scattered among the white ones now, but at first there wasn't a colored strand in the bunch  I called it the Aryan Nations of hair.  People tell me it looks good, but I still feel like a stranger is staring at me from the other side of the mirror.  And I have, on more than one occasion, been offered the senior citizen discount.  It took two times before I realized the correct answer was YES and that they should consid

Thank you Monty Python - I'm not dead yet either

Published by pam on Sun, 04/14/2013 - 3:54pm

Looking for information about Viagra or impossibly cheap home loans?  Might want to look elsewhere.  For now, at least, Marc has managed to un-hack my blog.  Although in doing so, he says he disabled the comments section.  Please know that I still appreciate hearing from all of you, and if you'd like to respond, you can email me or post on Marc's facebook page. 


During the last six months, I have heard from a number of people who have voiced concerned regarding my silence, fearing that perhaps something terrible befell me.  Again. 


The new me

Published by pam on Sun, 09/23/2012 - 5:46pm


The fear monster, the one that has been haunting me for the last seven months, disappeared for all of about three days.  The clean scan banished him, but he didn't stay banished for long.  The fear returned when my back began to ache.  


It's a back ache, the kind everyone gets when they walk too much in bad shoes carrying heavy stuff up hills.  I remind myself that if there was something growing in my back, the scan would seen it.  Worrying is crazy.  


It's crazy.


But that doesn't make it stop.  



Published by pam on Sat, 09/15/2012 - 4:19pm


Even though my cancer is gone, there is a chance a lone cell has survived all the sledge hammers we have thrown at it.  If such a cell exists, it is most likely hiding in my chest.  Chemo doesn't penetrate places where little blood flows. Like the chest wall.



Published by pam on Sat, 09/15/2012 - 4:09pm




To establish whether or not chemo worked - it doesn't work for everyone, some people are 'responders' while others are not - I need to be scanned.  And even if the chemo worked, it's possible that cancer cells have been hiding someplace where my chemo laced blood hasn't been able to reach them.  A new tumor could have been growing all this time, silently stealing my life.  


Is that your phone or are you just glad to see me?

Published by pam on Wed, 08/29/2012 - 6:39pm


Tomorrow, I  will reach a milestone.  Tomorrow - if my white counts hold - I will receive my  final dose of Taxol.  Herceptin will continue for a year, but herceptin is a targeted therapy.  It doesnt effect white counts.  It doesn't cloud a person's head.  There are no premeds, no side effects.  Other than the fact that I will continue to need a port to receive it,  herceptin is no big deal.  


The pretty nurse

Published by pam on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:11am


When I was in the third grade, I changed schools.  I changed schools a lot - most ever year.  So for me, most every new school year was a blank slate.  I knew nothing about lunchroom protocol or playground rules. I had no way to know who could be trusted and who couldn't.  And the teachers?  I didn't know which one was hard or mean or fun.  


A Post. Can you believe it? I actually wrote a post.

Published by pam on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 5:29pm


So, it's been a while.  I'll be surprised if anyone is still reading.  But, everyday I seem to find myself composing a blog post in my head and then never finding the time to write it.  It's 11:30 and I should be going to sleep, but I'm going to do my best to write instead.  The fact that I'm still awake and that my days are too full to write should tell you a lot.  


The red devil is history

Published by pam on Wed, 05/23/2012 - 4:49pm

Just thought you'd like to know.

A reason to celebrate

Published by pam on Mon, 05/21/2012 - 6:45pm

This Wednesday will be my last AC treatment (yes, I am knocking on wood as I write this.  It is the last AC treatment as far as I know).  The next series is supposed to be easier to take with less side effects, so I am quietly celebrating.  The AC treatments have been challenging, but manageable.  There are side effects.  I don't spend a lot of time dwelling on them because it doesn't make any sense to dwell.  Dwelling wont change anything.  But just so no one thinks I'm whitewashing the experience, here's what I'm dealing with.