Pam's Top Ten Upsides of a Mastectomy

Published by pam on Thu, 03/29/2012 - 12:19pm

 

 

10.  Easiest five pounds I ever lost

 

9.  Suddenly l look fabulous in all those Eileen Fisher clothes

 

8.  No bras

 

7.  It's worth saying twice.  No bras.

 

6.  No unsightly back bulge.  (OK, that's sort of a part of the no bra thing, but you get my point)

 

5.  Running.  No bouncing, no special equipment necessary. I'm practically stealthy.

 

4.  No more mammograms.  No crushing, no squeezing, no waiting for results.  (Is there a reason why the magazines in mammography waiting rooms always feature 25 year old women with pert boobs.  No one in the waiting room is 25 with pert boobs.  Doesn't it seem just a tad insensitive?  I'm just saying.  Would it be too much to ask for a few extra news magazines or maybe Architectural Digest?  Enough with the Allure and Glamour.)

 

3.  Much easier to squeeze into tight places.  Go ahead, park WAY too close to that car.  It can get in and out of my door.  No problem.

 

2.  More shelf space in the closet.

 

And the number one upside of having a mastectomy:

Suddenly, I have an abundant supply of awesome water balloon launchers so watch out.

 

Comments

Pam, this really made me laugh.  I haven't read your blog since way back, so then I started to go back and other entries made me cry.  A colleague of mine with cancer once said, "Although they mean well, I wish people would stop telling me how brave I am."  So I won't tell you you are brave.  I will, however, tell you you are funny.  And a great writer.  Thanks for creating this blog  not just to keep us in the loop but to make us laugh and cry and think.  I'll be following along from now on.

Pam, this really made me laugh.  I haven't read your blog since way back, so then I started to go back and other entries made me cry.  A colleague of mine with cancer once said, "Although they mean well, I wish people would stop telling me how brave I am."  So I won't tell you you are brave.  I will, however, tell you you are funny.  And a great writer.  Thanks for creating this blog  not just to keep us in the loop but to make us laugh and cry and think.  I'll be following along from now on.

Wait.  Pam.  Now I just read the WHOLE blog.  I am speechless.  I really didn't know all that you had been through. I knew it was bad, but wow... what you've already been through!
I don't generally read blogs.  In fact, when I first saw your site a couple of weeks ago, I thought it had just started.  I didn't realize that the postings went back for a page or two.  So much for my media literacy.  
So now I've figured out how the thing works. And your story is gripping and heart-wrenching.  I feel so guilty that I haven't been more in touch. Yeesh.
I send you all my best and I will keep reading.  (Not sure I'll sleep tonight, though...)
Mary
 
 

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.  Writing seems to be an important part of the healing process for me.  And as for brave, I keep telling myself that no matter how bad you have it (and I'm not really sure I have it all that bad), someone out there has it a lot worse.  Each time I was in the hospital, I seemed to be the healthiest person on the floor, regardless of how many body parts I'd just lost.  And the line that always runs through my head is - at least you're not lying in a mine field in afghanistan with your leg blown off.  There are worse things than cancer.  There are things that never go away.  Or things that go away that never should.
 
So it is amazing what people can cope with.  All of us, I think, are capable of things we never imagined.  But talk to me when this is over.  Perhaps I will have changed my tune.

I've been in your shoes more than once.  It's hard to know what to say, especially when people are far away.  Thanks for helping out Ryann and Marc on this trip.  I know they appreciated it.  And Marc said it was so nice to hear your voice, he was ready to chuck the rest of the colleges and move in.  Part of the attraction might have been Lila, but that's another story.