The results

Published by pam on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 10:33am



Its malignant.  But you knew that.  It never dawned on me that it could be malignant.  Dying from a kidney tumor isn't really the problem.  Most of them aren't deadly unless they are really advanced.  But to remove the tumor, you most likely have to remove the kidney.  


How can I go through chemo with one kidney?


How can I handle ANOTHER surgery.  I'm barely back from the first one.  What if there are more complications?  I need the chemo.  There's still stuff growing in there.  I need to kill it if I'm going to beat this.  I can't believe I'm so anxious for that part to begin, but right now, it would be such a relief to know that I am on the path to recovery.  


But to clear my way to that path, I will need to extract the kidney.  This surgery seems so much scarier than the last.  Kidneys are important.  Kidney bleed when they come out.  Kidneys occupy a cavity of ones body and all the other organs miss them when they move out.  Breasts just fill out a shirt.  I hardly even miss them.  For the first time since the initial diagnosis, I am scared.  Really scared.  Not scared of dying, necessarily.  Just scared that my life has turned into a series of unrecognizable choices.


It's so not about the hair any more.