Cold Feet

Published by pam on Thu, 05/03/2012 - 6:58pm

So that book I posted about a few days back, well it had been submitted to an agent way back in November.  That agent got a sample - pretty much what I posted on this blog.  She requested the whole manuscript in January.  I sent it to her, got diagnosed with breast cancer, and then pretty let the whole think go.  I thought about telling her to stop reading.  I mean, could I really write and rewrite during chemo?  But, I figured I would most likely get rejected and that rejection would most likely include some feedback, which I might be able to put to good use at some time in the future.  Of course part of me wondered if maybe, just maybe, she might be interested.  And if she was interested, then it was possible that something good might come out of all this.


Here's the thing, she didn't reject the book, not yet anyway.  She said she really liked it but had some concerns and that if I was willing to do some rewrites, she'd be interested in taking a second look at it.  It's certainly farther than I've ever gotten in this process - a process which has been going on longer than I'd like to admit.  We won't even talk about Marc.  He's been begging me to hang it up for years.  Words like agent, rewrite, and proofread cause him to shudder and sweat.  It isn't pretty.


But it's not like anyone will be banging at my door with lucrative job opportunities in the next six months.   I hope he'll inderstand if I want to give this a shot.  Only here's the thing, can I really do this during chemo?  Can I be truly creative?  Footloose and freethinking, I'm not, at least not now.  On the other hand, maybe this is just the thing to anchor me into the future and drag me through the long days and months ahead.  


Funny how life works, just when I was ready to let the writing go, I find myself with a shot at getting a book in front of an audience.  


So many questions.  So many doubts.  A lucrative job opportunity, its not - if someone out there has one of those, let me know and I'll put the book aside, making my husband a very happy man.  If not, I have just been delivered me sliver of hope, which I must say, is rather exciting.



Hi Pam,
Keep writing. Its a creative process for you, and my two cents are that if there is any good in getting cancer, it facillitates being vulnerable and getting down to what really is important, stripping away that which is just fluff. My advice is to stay in touch with that. Love,
john merrill-staekal

I do try to write, but funny how dull this whole process becomes.  Kind of blunts one. 's wit a tad.  Bet you know exactly what that's like.  Nice to hear you are doing so well.  Everyone says you are stronger than ever.  Congratulations!  You are an excellent role model.

Pam,  This is good news! When a publisher/editor is willing to take a 2nd look after rewrites that is encouraging indeed. I think you should do what feels right to you. You don't have to make deadlines, you can renegotiate deadlines as they approach. If it fuels you, do it! If it causes you angst, ask the agent for the details with the changes they would like to see - that way you will be able to pick it up again if you so choose.

Don't let this go -- you have always been so creative -- I remember some prints (I think they were prints) that you sent me when you were in college -- they were amazing -- just like your dad's and mom's work -- you come by naturally -- anything that will bring you some joy right now sounds pretty good to me.   
I truly wish I lived closer so I could go on that walk with you -- heck, I'd even shave my grey hair all off  -- as always my best to you and your family.

How very fantastic!  I'm excited for you.