I would like to talk about...

Published by pam on Sat, 04/07/2012 - 7:46pm

 

 

My new boobs.  For those who are easily offended by such things, be forewarned, the word boob or breast and perhaps even nipple may appear more than once in the following post.  If you are uncomfortable with such things, avert your eyes now.  You have been warned.

 

Today, my daughter and I went shopping for boobs. I had no idea how good it would feel to slip on my t-shirt and look like all the other girls.  Now, I'm pretty sure that reconstruction and implants aren't for me, but following the surgery, I had more than a few second thoughts.  You see, I found myself, post-surgery, more than flat chested, I'm more like concave.  I'm fairly thin, particularly on top. Once upon a time, the breasts camouflaged all that.  But lop off five pounds of tissue and suddenly, I look fresh out of a concentration camp. It's a little scary.  I had taken to wearing loose clothing i.e the Eileen Fischer look, to avoid those sad stares from people who assume I am very sick or worse, a middle aged anorexic.  

 

Really, I had been height-weight proportionate before the surgery, but now, well, my chest is somewhere between 4 and 5 inches thick and no matter how straight I stand or how far I throw my shoulders back, there's no  disguising  that unfortunate fact of life.  

 

But, now that I'm a six weeks out from my mastectomy, I can get boobs.  Yes, yes, I know they live in a box when not in use and they don't have nipples and they can't nurse a child.  But they're mine, damn it!  And let me tell you, they have a few things going for them that those run-of-the-mill boobs don't.  

 

First, I got to pick their size.  All I wanted was enough shape to make my t-shirts look reasonable.  I wasn't trying to duplicate my old shape.  I don't need something to balance my protruding belly.  And I don't have a second breast that needs to be matched.  So I got to pick.  Funny thing is, there doesn't seem to be much demand for small boobs.   Most of what Nordstrom had on hand were much larger than what I had in mind.  I knew from my advance breast-shopping research that the bigger the prosthetic breast, the heavier it would be.  And the heavier it is, the more likely I would struggle with back pain.    Also prosthetics can also get hot.  Here, once again, smaller is better.  Less mass to hold my body heat.  So I went small.  Small has the added benefit of letting me opt out of the full-coverage post-mastectomy bras.  Because the forms are small, I can wear dainty little lacy bras - as long as they don't have underwires.  So, unlike most women my age, I get to wear those really cute bras, the kind that have been off-limits since I was 14.

 

But that's not all....

 

Added benefit number two -- when I want to go for a run or head off to the gym, I don't need to change into any special breast-supporting equipment.  I simply get to remove that which might hinder my performance and get on with my workout.  No uncomfortable jiggling, no heavy duty binding, I can leave the bra and it's contents in the locker.  How's that for convenience?

 

Added benefit number three -- my new boobs are going to look great for a very long times.  They won't sag.  They won't ever hang down around my navel.  And they will never, never grow some awful tumor that will threaten my life.  For that, I am very grateful.  My old boobs we a bit of a disappointment in that department, I must say.

 

Standing in that dressing room, staring at myself in the mirror, I felt great.  I never would have imagined that it would feel so good to shuck my sweaters and sweatshirts in favor of a regular old t-shirt.  It's something that I always took for granted.  Until now.  And tomorrow, when I go into my closet, I will be able to wear anything I want.  How awesome is that?

 

Totally awesome, just in case you didn't know. 

 

So, here's to my new best friends.  I'm thinking they need names.  And a special place to sleep.  And perhaps a candle should be lit in their honor.  It seems fitting, because they have made me very happy

Comments

Hi Pam,
I have been reading your blog and thinking of you often, very often.

 If your pregnancies were anything like mine then you need to remember the same man that thinks chemo will not interfere with next summers' vacation will also want to have a say about the naming of the babies or in this case boobs.  I know, I know, possession is 9/10 but that does not seem to matter when it comes to the name game. Mark is the creative type and you both did a really great job, in my opinion, coming up with Miller and Ryan but I see whole lot of ways a spouse interjecting their 2 cents in the boob naming game could cause conflict in an otherwise happy home. Knowing they are on the smaller side I doubt he would want to call them  Badda & Bing but we all know it will lead to a road that does not need to be traveled. I like the candle idea and that they will have a place of their own to sleep but I strongly recommend you reconsider the naming part.

 

Love,

Laura Shields

Nice to hear from you and thanks for the heads up.   I'll have to be clear with Marc that there are limits.  Nothing will be named after his mother or a recently deceased relative, as is often the tradition in Jewish culture.  So far his biggest concern is that I don't leave anything offensive lying around on the bathroom counter.  And I have been known to put my hands on them to make sure they are still in the right place, forgetting, of course, how that appears to the outside world.  He's not so big on that either.  Hope all is well with you.  I havent seen the My Kids Cookies sign outside, and have wondered why.  Is business ok?  Take care - Pam

How about "the girls"?  some of us on the tennis team have this joke about tops that are too tight - "the girls can't breathe", or t"the girls are are feeling confined" or "the girls are being squished".
 
Good luck with your first chemo tomorrow. We will be thinking of you.  We do hope you tolerate it without the dreaded chemo brain and bad side effects....
 
Passover was very nice. It was great to be all together.  it was a bit exhausting with all I had to do (including yard work) but I got it all done and am back in FL. There are two more weeks of the tennis season and we have a league title to win, so back to "work".
Love to all and I'll be following your blog.
 

How about "the girls"?  some of us on the tennis team have this joke about tops that are too tight - "the girls can't breathe", or t"the girls are are feeling confined" or "the girls are being squished".
 
Good luck with your first chemo tomorrow. We will be thinking of you.  We do hope you tolerate it without the dreaded chemo brain and bad side effects....
 
Passover was very nice. It was great to be all together.  it was a bit exhausting with all I had to do (including yard work) but I got it all done and am back in FL. There are two more weeks of the tennis season and we have a league title to win, so back to "work".
Love to all and I'll be following your blog.
 

Here's a few ideas to get the creative juices flowing.  Anxious to hear how chemo went.  Please update blog when you get a chance.  Thinking of you and your new friends.
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Kim and Chloe (Kardashian)
Mary Kate and Ashley
Pippa and Kate
Charlotte, Anne, Branwell, Maria or Elizabeth (Bronte)
Serena and Venus (Williams)
Joan and Jackie (Collins)